The Morning Report
by Dr. Phoenix
Summary: Zazu decides to gather information for a full report to Simba, the newly crowned king, about his loyal subjects. Unfortunately, he has a bit of trouble. Each chapter focuses on a different African animal. Based on the cartoon version. Flames may feel free to hippity-hop all the way to the birdie boiler. Everyone else, enjoy the story, and if it bugs you, don't read it.
1. Introduction

Contrary to popular opinion, my name is not "What Is It Now?" or "Oh No! Not Him Again!" I am called Zazu, a respectable name quite fitting for the king's majordomo, for it means _movement._ I am the king's eyes and ears throughout his realm. I am the voice of the king to his loyal subjects and the voice of concerned or admiring subjects to their rightful king.

I have few friends. My family disowned me as soon as I was appointed a position in the king's court. They despise me because they have grown jealous of my status. I believe my mother may feel pride in my accomplishments, but she's become a bit senile with age, so it's difficult to tell what her true opinions may be.

Being the king's majordomo is a tremendous honor and a great responsibility, but it is not without its risks. In my service at court, I have been trampled, sat upon by a rhino, scalded in a geyser, nearly eaten alive, imprisoned, plucked, falsely accused, temporarily demoted, frequently ignored, daily insulted, used as an object for pouncing demonstrations, struck, flung, kicked, pecked, burned, bruised, poisoned, concussed, sprained, fractured, bitten, clawed, buried alive, nearly drowned, beaten, impaled, mocked, tortured, hanged, knocked unconscious, and nearly decapitated. On a few occasions, I feared I would even be fired.

As King Simba has only recently returned to reign after a lengthy absence, he will no doubt benefit from hearing a full report of all his loyal subjects before I begin giving my thrice daily reports (morning, afternoon, and evening), especially since the herds have at last returned to the Pride Lands.


	2. Aardvark

**Aardvark**

"Good morning, sir," I greeted cordially, perching on a low branch of an umbrella thorn.

I know not the meaning of the word _umbrella_; it is simply a term used by human visitors to our lands. However, I had not arrived to discuss botany, but to attempt to communicate with the resident aardvark.

"I do hope the rains have brought you an abundance of termites," I continued.

The aardvark gave me not so much as a glance. He simply continued tearing into the termite mound with his massive claws.

"How is it that you feed so close to an umbrella thorn without injuring your paws?" I queried.

He fixed his unblinking eyes on me for several moments before replying, "I'm not stepping on the tree, stupid!"

I did my utmost to conceal a sigh. Although aardvarks are capable of vocalizations, they rarely speak, even to other aardvarks. As a result, I am rarely able to gather any information about them to report to the king, but as majordomo, it is my duty to make the attempt.

"Have you a mate?"

The aardvark stared at me as if I had taken leave of my senses. "I don't get romantic with birds."

"Not me, sir!" I exclaimed in exasperation. "Have you a female of your own species?"

He ignored me and continued his meal of termites.

"I have connections," I continued. "The king wishes for his subjects to be happy. It is best for the kingdom if relative tranquility reigns freely in our glorious realm. If you have no mate, we would be happy to arrange a meeting with a female aardvark to see if the two of you would be compatible."

"No good." The aardvark licked up a few more termites with his repulsive tongue. "Aardvarks aren't like lion prides. Our marriages never last long. We find a mate, discuss business, and part ways."

"Perhaps you could be the exception," I suggested.

"It is the Circle of Life. Lions have families. Aardvarks have themselves."

"Plenty of animals have stepped out of traditional roles without abandoning their place in the Circle of Life," I argued.

The aardvark ignored me once more and continued his meal.

"Very well then. If not a mate, what would make you happy?"

He made no reply.

"The king wishes to demonstrate his compassion to his loyal subjects. Have you no troubles?"

"There is one," the aardvark stated.

"And what might that be?"

"When I'm trying to have my breakfast, this annoying bird pops out of nowhere and starts an incessant stream of irritating questions."

I cleared my throat. "If there are any problems, you are to report them to the king at once."

The aardvark tilted his head. "Is that before or after I get eaten by a pride of lions?"

I didn't have time to argue. I had important business to attend for the king. I stretched my wings and flapped a few times in preparation to fly away.

In my vexation with the meaningless conversation I had endured, I had forgotten which tree I had used as a perch. I cried out in pain as an umbrella thorn embedded itself into my wing.

The aardvark shook his head in feigned sympathy.

"What are you smirking at?" I demanded.

"Congratulations, bird. You did something that made me happy. The king will be pleased with your efforts."

Now it was my turn to try ignoring the aardvark. I began attempting to remove the thorn, but my beak was too large to grasp it. As he watched me struggle, the aardvark simply shook his head and grinned. If his species wasn't so taciturn, I truly believe he would have laughed at my predicament.

Ignoring the sharp pain in my wing, I continued on my errand.


	3. Antelope

**Antelope**

Still trying to ignore the throbbing sting of my recent injury, I perched in a kigelia, known to humans as the sausage tree, or so claimed the man I once saw who was giving an afternoon report about the savanna for his king. The monarch had an unusual name: Cable Television. King Cable Television was a black tree without leaves. The human would turn his king in different directions to see the savanna, and he would make different remarks about the animals and plants he saw. It was quite strange.

When I had reported King Cable Television's arrival to King Mufasa, my sovereign had insisted on investigating the matter himself. The human majordomo was delighted. He immediately pointed his king toward Mufasa, using words like "majestic" and "powerful."

King Cable Television and his majordomo spent the next several weeks following the pride. They watched the lionesses hunt and Mufasa protect his lands and Rafiki pluck fruit. They watched me preen my feathers. They never interfered, but I was still relieved when they finally left.

Pushing aside memories of the visiting monarch, I addressed the antelope beneath the kigelia. "Good morning."

"You've got to be kidding me!" one of them sighed.

"Actually, my name is Zazu," I corrected as cordially as possible. "It's a common error."

"Be gone!" the antelope ordered. "What is it to me if I am killed by a lion or a hyena? Is it less painful if my murderer respects the Circle of Life than if my killer is a poacher?"

"There is a time set for each of us upon the day of our arrival," I stated. "If it is the day of your demise, there is no help for it. If you escape one death, you shall fall victim to another."

He took a bite of grass and mulled it around in his mouth. "Save your platitudes. The Circle of Life has determined that we compete daily. The slowest antelope must still be faster than the swiftest lion, or he shall never see the light of another day, yet without anything to quell our numbers, we should overpopulate and starve ourselves."

With that, the antelope bounded away. They're skittish creatures that never stay in one place long enough to discuss anything other than the weather.

Hindered by my injury, I flew after them, at last managing to perch on the shoulder of the nearest antelope.

"We told you to get lost!" she protested. "When the king's majordomo reports the location of the antelope to the queen, the lionesses have too easy of a time finding our herd. If they're going to kill us, they should at least have to work and struggle for it."

"I do not report the locations of prey," I argued.

"Congratulations. No doubt the king will reward you richly for your loyalty to his food. Do you also take special precautions to avoid stepping on beetles?"

The entire herd threw back their heads and laughed heartily. Simba's habit of eating bugs has unfortunately become well known to his subjects, and predator and prey alike joke at his expense.

"You should do something about that wing," one of the antelope advised.

"It is a minor inconvenience," I stated. "Given time, the embedded object will work itself out; then I shall be able to seize it and free myself of this discomfort."

"Unless it infects."

Before I had time to continue this discussion, a leopardess sprang from the shadows, and the antelope bolted into the distance, causing me to lose my perch.


	4. Baboon

**Baboon**

I felt fairly confident the baboons would be of service. After all, they had opposable thumbs rather than beaks.

I found a troop at the base of a high cliff. For some reason I have never understood, baboons prefer to live on the ground by day, even though they use trees for safety at night.

No sooner had I perched on a small rock than I was grabbed by a baby baboon. The little creature curiously began ruffling my feathers, much to my annoyance.

"Put me down at once!" I ordered.

The baby pouted, but it set me on the ground. Unfortunately, another youngster saw me. This one was past his infancy, but he was nowhere near adulthood.

"Pelt the bird!" he exclaimed jubilantly.

At once I found myself nearly buried in a shower of rocks, twigs, and fruit as other juvenile baboons joined the game. Was it too much to ask that I survived one hour without being at risk of serious injury?

"Stop!" One of the mothers stepped forward. "He is the king's majordomo. He may prove of use to us."

I perched upon the rock once more. "Good afternoon, madame. I do thank you for your hospitality. The king has sent me to ensure the happiness of his subjects."

"As lions and hyenas are eternal enemies, so are leopards and baboons," she began. "But leopards are not are only threat. Lions can kill us, but we could also kill them. With the king's agreement, I believe we are threatened enough by leopards. I ask that there be a truce among the pride and the troop."

"You have my word as the king's majordomo that the matter shall be brought to King Simba's attention this very day," I promised. "If I might ask only one more favor of you, madame, could you examine my wing? I seem to have picked up an umbrella thorn."

She walked over and gently took the tip of my wing between her fingers, extending it carefully.

"It is too deeply embedded, even for one with opposable thumbs," she stated. "Had I been there the moment you received the injury, I may have been able to be of service, but if you wish to be free of it now, you'll have to mix a poultice to draw it out."

"How do I make this poultice?" I queried.

She stared at me for several long moments as if she knew something I didn't, and she was unsure whether or not to share the source of her knowledge.

"Go in peace, Zazu," she said at last. "Rest a few days, and the thorn will work itself out of your wing."

"What if it infects?"

The baboons sighed sadly. "May the Great Kings of the Past protect you."

As the troop moved toward a tamarind grove, I was torn between duty and comfort. It was my duty to Simba to gather information for my report concerning his loyal subjects, but if the injury did infect, I would have to have one of the lionesses bite off my wing to keep the infection from poisoning me.

I silently cursed the antelope. Why even mention the possibility of infection? Was it even likely, or was I simply being paranoid?


	5. Buffalo

**Buffalo**

I never enjoyed gathering information from the buffalo herds. Buffalo are nothing more than half a ton of belligerence, and since they despise lions, they have no use for me.

However, I managed to get close to the herd without them spotting me, and I discovered something unusual. A group of buffalo was standing around, discussing their fears.

"For me, it would be spiders," one confessed.

Another buffalo laughed until tears nearly came to his eyes. "You could crush them under your hoof! Worse creatures move across you every day, and you never even noticed."

"Well, what frightens you?" the first demanded.

"Thunder."

A third buffalo rolled his eyes. "Thunder is nothing more than noise."

"You haven't shared your fear yet!"

"I would have to say…Rafiki."

Surprisingly, none of the buffalo laughed.

"He always acts like he's eaten some fruit that's just started to spoil, so he's not in his right mind," he continued. "You can never tell if he's going to screech and be obnoxious or if he's going to spout off some ridiculous nonsense like the geysers of Bogoria. Sometimes he wants to sit calmly and say wise platitudes; other times, he wants to bludgeon you to death with his staff. You never know for sure if he truly has magical powers or if he communicates with the spirits or if he's just overly superstitious."

The other buffalo nodded sagely.

"I mean, if he's magical, why didn't he turn the hyenas into termites when they began to overhunt? If he communicates with the spirits, why didn't he summon late King Mufasa to tell the lionesses the truth about his murder? If Rafiki's such a great warrior with his staff, why didn't he take Scar aside and strike him until Scar finally abdicated?"

Doing a fairly good imitation of Rafiki, one of the other buffalo remarked, "The fault is our own. You know the buffalo is mightier than the lion, and certainly stronger than the hyena. Why didn't we challenge Scar? The king can only reign with the approval of his subjects"

One of the buffalo, who had remained silent thus far, queried, "Why do we tolerate having a lion king in the first place?"

The others stared at him.

"Think about it. Lions eat us. Why do we put up with it when we could all get together and drive the lions off?"

The buffalo imitating Rafiki replied, "If the lions left, others would simply take their place."

"Sure, but wouldn't we get a respite until then?"

I didn't care for the direction this conversation seemed to be taking, especially when the buffalo began to nod in agreement with the one who had suggested exiling the royal family. As the herd drifted away, I moved to the nearest rock, wondering how I would inform the king of this development without beginning a war.


	6. Caracal

**Caracal**

I hadn't meant to doze off, but I was rudely awakened when a caracal kitten pounced on me.

"Mama, I caught a bird!" he announced proudly.

The mother smiled. "Excellent work, son, but you'll have to let that one go. He belongs to the king, and we can't afford to lose our kills as a fine."

The kitten released me and scampered back to its mother, who began cleaning her offspring with her tongue.

"Tau is the only survivor of my last three litters," she remarked. "The first was lost to lions, the second to hyenas, and the third to starvation. Now that the rains have returned, Tau may yet have a chance."

"I hope it will be so," I replied.

"Did you know the three litters I have lost are the only three I have ever produced?" She watched Tau trying to catch a mouse. "I've never seen any of my kittens survive to adulthood. I can only imagine what that must be like."

Tau batted around the mouse, but despite his finest efforts, it escaped.

"Don't worry, little one," the caracal consoled. "A predator's success is not in strength or speed, but in persistence."

I cringed.

"May the Great Kings of the Past protect you, Zazu. I notice you're having trouble flying."

"Thank you, madame. I intend to ask Rafiki if he knows anything about a poultice."

She shook her head sadly. "There is no greater mystic, but I fear he is not knowledgeable of tending wounds or illness. He does the best he can to appease the spirits, but the healing arts are not his area of expertise."

I sighed.

As if reading my thoughts, the caracal asked, "What will happen if you lose your wing? How will you do your job if you are unable to fly?" She shuddered. "I can't imagine how terribly it would hurt to feel a lion's teeth tear through your flesh and break your bones. Hopefully, it will be quick, although you may still have nerve pain for several days, perhaps the rest of your life."

I felt lightheaded, and I feared I would lose consciousness.

"Perhaps it may be an act of mercy if the lions simply ate you."

Refusing to allow her to see my reaction, I attempted to regain my composure. "Now see here, madame! Everyone takes a sliver in the wing or paw from time to time. There's no sense in overreacting."

The caracal continued to watch her son play. "I nearly lost him to disease. Thank the Queens of the Past for his survival!"

"You mean the Kings of the Past," I corrected.

"Kings or queens, may they protect you. Even without threat of infection, your weakened state will soon make you unable to fly."

A chill coursed down my spine like a river through the grasslands.

The caracal smiled sadly. "May they protect you in ways they never saw fit to protect all those I ever loved."


	7. Cheetah

**Cheetah**

I sat in the lower branches of a short baobab near the waterhole, waiting for whatever animal approached. I had long since reached the conclusion that it would be easier for the king's subjects to approach me rather than exhausting myself flying after them.

A cheetah approached the water with a gourd in his mouth. He seemed to be frightened of something.

"Has your hunting truly been so unsuccessful that you've resorted to eating gourds?" I queried.

He sighed. "I don't have time for this!"

"What troubles you?"

"Hornbills that never close their beaks."

The cheetah filled the gourd with water.

"I've seen you before," I remarked. "Are you not Bujune?"

"You speak rightly, for all cheetahs are born to sorrow."

As he carried the water in the gourd, I flew behind him at a distance. To my surprise he gently placed the gourd in front of a hole in the ground that appeared to be an abandoned den of some sort.

"I'm here for you, Masozi," Bujune announced softly. "I brought water."

To my surprise, another cheetah emerged from the burrow. Judging from the swelling of her immense paunch, she had eaten recently…perhaps an entire elephant. Rather than giving her strength, the food seemed to have weakened her, for her face looked as if she had fought a great battle and now suffered internal injury.

Masozi eagerly lapped the water. "Bujune, tonight you will see a shooting star."

"No!" he protested, nuzzling her. "I love you too much."

I remembered that among cheetahs, the belief is that a falling star is the spirit of a recently deceased cheetah racing through the heavens. A meteor shower indicates that an entire litter of cubs has been lost in the same day.

Masozi held her breath, but she still moaned in pain as her sides heaved. She was blatantly experiencing horrific indigestion.

"I wish I could scream." She panted for breath. "It hurts so much, but I can't risk anyone finding out…" Masozi crammed her paw into her mouth to muffle her cries as another burst of anguish seemed to overpower her. "At least it won't be much longer before my demise."

"No! Please! Don't leave me!" Bujune pleaded.

"I'm weakening already." Masozi nuzzled him. "I promise I'll watch over you when I race across the heavens. I'll never leave, except in physical form."

I was baffled by the scene unfolding before my eyes. Never had I known a cheetah to go underground, nor had I known any cheetah couples to stay together for any longer than a few days, yet Bujune seemed as devoted to his mate as a painted dog. (The dogs mate for life.)

Masozi writhed in anguish. She then gently lowered herself back into the den, and Bujune lay nearly on top of it, blocking it from view.

"Heavenly Racers," he whispered, "guard my Masozi, for I cannot bear to live without her. What is Sorrow without Tears?"

Speaking of tears, some were beginning to trace their way down the black stripes on either side of his nose. I recalled the ancient legend that claimed the reason cheetahs have tear-stained faces is because ninety percent of all cubs will die within their first year, many within their first three months.

"Be patient, Heavenly Racers," Bujune pleaded. "We will all join you someday. Grant that our tear stains should be unnecessary. Do not force us to live without them…or without each other. You were merciful with the first group of undeserved blessings. We implore such mercy for the second."

I had no idea what he meant by such ludicrous prattle, nor did I understand how he was foolish enough to believe the stars would show him mercy. After all, cheetahs never prosper.


	8. Chimpanzee

**Chimpanzee**

I wish I could say I was surprised to see a chimpanzee wander into the clearing, but after the day I had been experiencing thus far, there was little that could baffle me.

The chimpanzee stared at Bujune. "Are you some sort of weird-looking leopard or something?"

"Or something," the cheetah replied. "Now kindly be on your way."

"Hey, it's all cool, man. We're not having a problem here. I just hoped you might point me in the direction of some excitement."

Bujune twitched the tip of his tail. "See that huge rock in the distance? Go climb it."

"Say, that sounds great!"

"Oh yeah. Every mountaineer's dream. The literal pinnacle of adventure."

The chimpanzee began his trek toward Pride Rock. My first instinct was to fly ahead and alert King Simba, but the soreness of my injury increased by the moment, and I knew I would never reach the king in time.

"Confounded tourist!" Bujune muttered.

Masozi shrieked as if all the pains of the realm of punishment had overtaken her.

"Are you alright?"

"I wasn't screaming," she explained in a raspy whisper. "I was yelling in frustration because of the tourist who inconveniences our king."

"Of course," Bujune agreed.

He immediately stood and began to patrol the area, making sure no other predators had heard the cry of his suffering mate. I did my utmost to remain concealed, for I knew he would be furious to discover the king's majordomo spying on him.

"You deserve to be happy," Masozi rasped.

"I am happy," Bujune answered.

"When my body has returned to the grass, you must take another mate. I want you to be able to love again."

"No! You shall survive and outlive me!"

"I could never bear to outlive my childhood friend," Masozi protested. "At least now I know I won't have to."

Tears flowed even more freely down the dark streaks of Bujune's face.

"My love, I will not die. I will always live in you."

"Not for long," he replied. "I cannot live without you. We die together."

"Don't take your own life!"

"I won't have to. I shall die in the night of a broken heart."

If I were anyone other than the king's majordomo, I may have lost my composure. In addition to cheetahs behaving unnaturally, there was now some tourist chimpanzee from the Kingdoms of the West. No doubt he believed he would be able to dine on our resident monkeys. What now?


	9. Civet

**Civet**

I had barely left the cheetahs when I saw the civet. He looked pleased with himself as he hummed that irritating song that the meerkat and warthog always sing.

"Where did you learn that tune?" I demanded.

"My prey was singing it."

My blood ran cold at the thought of what the king would do if any harm had befallen his friends. "Your prey?"

"Some meerkat colony I found at an oasis. They didn't dig any tunnels, so I managed to have a feast as they napped. I killed them so quickly and skillfully that none of the others woke up."

"Now see here! You cannot do this!" I scolded. "That's Timon's colony! He prides himself in having led them to a predator-free environment where they no longer need to dig for survival!"

"Who's Timon, and why do I care?"

I sighed. "Timon worked with his mother and uncle to assist the king in liberating us all from Scar."

The civet sighed. "You're telling me that because a meerkat helped a lion, a civet can't eat?"

I thought a moment. "Suppose the king appoints you as protector of the oasis. You'll defend the meerkats from smaller predators and help them escape larger ones. In exchange, the meerkats will present you with rodents and fruits."

"Leave my home on the savanna to work for meerkats? You're out of your mind!"

I sighed. Obviously, I could not allow the civet to obliterate Timon's colony. However, the civet had as much right to his role in the Circle of Life as anyone else did.

"Could you content yourself to eat rival colonies?" I suggested. "Meerkats fight to the death over the most foolish things."

"Other colonies dig tunnels and escape underground. Why would I give up easy meat?"

"Isn't there anything you'd rather eat?"

The civet considered the matter. "Birds!"

"Wait a moment! Let's discuss this civilly!" I protested. "You must understand that I cannot return to Pride Rock and inform the king that his meerkat acquaintances are once more destined for a life of excavation."

"You would prefer to inform the king that by making friends of other species, he has disrupted the entire Circle of Life?"

"Why don't you present the matter to the king yourself?" I suggested. "You do make a valid argument, and you deserve the opportunity to present your case before the royal council. Will you come at sundown tomorrow?"

The civet nodded.

"In the meantime, no eating meerkats!"

"I promise until sundown tomorrow," he stated. "Then we shall see what the council has to say."

I only hoped Rafiki would prove to have more sagacity in the matter than myself. Perhaps Simba would find a solution. After all, he was a carnivore raised by prey species.


	10. Crane

**Crane**

When I returned to the waterhole, I saw a female crane standing perfectly still, trying to catch a frog. She planned every step with even more precision than a lioness. When she decided the time was right, her long neck darted forward in a tremendous burst of speed, and she claimed her quarry.

A male crane nodded his approval. "Impressive."

The female sighed. "Rutendo, I told you already. It would never work out between us."

"Why not, Tishala?"

Tishala turned away from him, unwilling to discuss the matter further, but Rutendo made his way into her field of vision. He began pecking at the ground. Then he bobbed his head up and down.

"It's not working!" Tishala warned.

Undeterred, Rutendo began ruffling his feathers as he continued to bob. Every time Tishala tried to turn away, he bobbed his way in front of her.

When he was finally convinced that she was watching him, Rutendo spread his wings and began hopping. He greatly resembled one of the frogs that so often fell prey to him.

"Rutendo? Where did you learn to dance?"

He continued hopping with his wings outstretched.

"Did you even think about the lifelong commitment?" Tishala asked.

"If I cannot have you, I hope my life is not long at all!" he replied.

"What about all the work of protecting eggs and raising chicks?"

"I would do anything to have more of you in this world!"

Tishala laughed. "Poor fool! Are you so lovesick that you forget the realities of the savanna? The Circle of Life is often a quick spin rather than a long trek."

"Then let us make our own circle!"

Tishala sighed, both embarrassed and intrigued by the crane who would make a complete fool of himself for her.

"I love you!" Rutendo exclaimed jubilantly. "I can't bear the thought of life alone…not when you're so near. I know I could make you happy. All I ask is for the chance to prove myself to you."

"Since when does finding a mate have to do with being in love?" Tishala queried.

"It doesn't. That's just an extra benefit for you! Won't it be better to spend the rest of your life with a mate who loves you?"

Tishala fell silent, seemingly deep in thought. After several long moments, Rutendo began dancing once more.

"Very well!" she exclaimed at last. "I'll consider it!"

"You won't regret it!" he assured her.

"I said we would talk about it. I didn't say I accepted you as my mate."

"You still won't regret it!"

I wondered why so many animals seemed obsessed with finding the right mate and raising a family. I certainly had no time for sentiments or dependents. Then again, perhaps it was simply the nesting habits of my species that I found unappealing.


	11. Crocodile

**Crocodile**

The cranes' discussion of romance was interrupted by the sudden appearance of a crocodile. However, he wasn't hunting; he simply wandered onto the bank and opened his mouth, as crocodiles often do when basking in the sun.

"Good morning to you, sir," I greeted.

He said nothing.

A flock of plovers descended and began eating the scraps of meat caught between the crocodile's teeth. He just lay there silently, seeming to enjoy the relief.

Suddenly his jaws snapped shut. Thankfully, all the plovers escaped unharmed, but the crocodile looked genuinely ashamed of himself.

"I'm sorry," he apologized, trying not to move part of his mouth.

"You have a toothache?" a plover asked.

The crocodile nodded.

"Will you bite if someone examines the tooth?"

He shook his head.

"Wait here. I'll get help."

When I saw the plover return with help, I nearly fell from my perch, for she had brought a hyena and a vervet monkey.

The hyena smiled up at me. "Good morning, Zazu. How's your wing?"

I frowned. "That, madame, is none of your concern!"

"Are you sure? It seems a bit swollen. What's wrong? Did you get something embedded in it? Would you like some help?"

I glared at her. "You shouldn't even be in the Pride Lands!"

"You're right. Why don't you fly off and tell King Simba?"

There were several reasons why. First of all, I have never taken order from a hyena. Second, my wing was throbbing too much for me to consider flight. Third, I wasn't about to give her the pleasure of seeing me flutter helplessly before I fell from my perch into her waiting jaws.

The hyena turned her attention to the crocodile. "Good morning, sir. Your friend says you seem to be having a bit of trouble with one of your teeth. Can you open your mouth?"

He complied, and she fearlessly approached the open jaws.

"I see. Is it this one?" The hyena lightly touched one of the crocodile's teeth with her paw, causing him to groan. "I'm afraid it will have to go, but my assistant is quite skilled. The worst will end in a few seconds."

The crocodile gave a brief nod, and the vervet monkey seized and removed the tooth in one quick motion. The crocodile cried out in anguish, but true to his word, he managed to keep his mouth open.

"Well done," the hyena complimented.

"Thank you," responded the vervet.

She turned to the crocodile. "My assistant also helped me mix something in a gourd that will be of interest to you. If you allow us to rinse the wound, it will heal sooner."

The crocodile nodded again, and the hyena dumped the contents of the gourd over the victim's bleeding gum.

"You should be alright now," she assured him. "You might be a little sore for a few days, but you'll be fine."

"Thank you." The crocodile thought for a few moments. "Do you eat fish?"

"I do."

"Wait here."

He swam underwater for a short while and returned with a catfish.

"Thank you for your gift." The hyena began eating the fish.

The crocodile turned to the vervet monkey. "At the far end of the waterhole is a tree of ripe mangoes. Take what you will, and I shall keep watch and warn you of approaching enemies."

I could hardly believe what I had seen. Didn't crocodiles lose their teeth naturally? Why had this one allied himself with the hyenas rather than his king?

"Explain yourselves!" I demanded.

The hyena finished her last bite of fish. "Everything the light touches belongs to the lions, but look around. The shade of the trees turns this part of the waterhole into shadow land. I offer no explanation because I need none. I have remained in the shadows, as leonine law dictates. We have no quarrel."

"And the monkey?"

"She has a tongue. Let her speak for herself. Or has Simba now passed a law against monkeys?"

"And the crocodile?"

The hyena chuckled. "Are you truly so suspicious that you interrogate a crocodile simply because he lives at the waterhole?"

"Whose ally is he, Scar's or Simba's?"

"Ask him yourself."

With that, the hyena turned and walked away.

"I am no one's ally," the crocodile explained, "except the plovers'. I was in pain. Now I am not. I would have expressed my thanks to any species who helped me."


	12. Elephant

**Elephant**

When the elephant arrived at the water hole, I could tell he was feeling cantankerous. He trumpeted and flung dust in his rage.

"Have you had a bad morning?" I queried.

"I had a bad evening," he replied, "but my morning is better. I overturned a safari jeep, killing all humans inside!"

My eyes widened. "Now see here! Do you not realize we are living in what humans call a national park? Our survival depends on the fact that humans come here for a brief visit and are delighted when they see us!"

"No, I don't realize it," the elephant responded. "I saw a human last night. He pointed a staff at me, and I heard thunder. Then a stone made of fire lodged into my forehead and made me bleed. If that's a human, then I have no qualms about turning rogue and destroying their campsites."

I hardly believed what I was hearing, but the elephant continued his speech about how his tusks were valuable to humans.

"But why?" I asked. "They'd look perfectly foolish with tusks!"

"I don't understand either." He tossed some dust over his back. "Do you know what happened at the Elephant Graveyard?"

Of course I did. There was a persisting myth that when elephants sensed that death was near, they were guided by instinct to a certain area where generations of elephants before theirs had perished.

However, the truth was that as elephants aged, their teeth eroded until they could eat nothing but the softest grass. Thus the elderly elephants tended to retreat to marshland and remained there until they perished of starvation, an elephant's way of dying of old age.

"Not in this case," the elephant contradicted. "You think a place of mud pools and geysers would support the grass the elderly of my kind try eating to extend their lives? The Elephant Graveyard beyond the rise of the northern border was caused by human poachers who removed as many tusks as possible after wiping out a massive herd. They were arrested before they managed to take the remainder of tusks, but justice arrived too late to save the dead elephants. Hyenas scented the rotting flesh, and the rest was nature."

"But what about the recently deceased elephants?" I queried. "I saw the bones myself. Some still had flesh on them."

"An amazing cover," the elephant stated. "Throw the flesh of the elephants you kill into an area already littered with elephant bones. The clan of hyenas will keep the human tourists away. Humans are nothing but slobbering, mangy, stupid poachers."

"The latter may be true," I agreed, "but I'm not certain humans can get mange."

"They can. It's just a little different than the kind animals catch."

I was completely baffled. Seeing the elephant's wound and hearing his sad tale made it easy to agree with him that humans were diabolical beasts. However, I also knew that without humans who visited from other kingdoms, the Pride Lands would soon become the Farm Lands.


	13. Flamingo

**Flamingo**

I do feel guilty for seeming to disrespect my fellow birds, but if we're to be perfectly honest, flamingos are some of the strangest creatures I have ever encountered. Their knees are backwards, and they eat as if they were trying to stand on their heads.

Furthermore, they're always this unnatural shade of pink. I can understand a bird with blue feathers, such as myself, for the sky is various hues of blue. I can understand bright plumage, for the females of all species do tend to be fastidious, especially when analyzing a male. I cannot understand pink. Why would any creature wish to be pink?

I suppose even flamingoes wonder, for on this particular day, I saw a yellow flamingo. I jest not. He was yellow.

A pink flamingo began wading beside him. "What happened to you?"

"I got tired of being the same as everyone else, so I stopped eating the food that turns us pink and started eating other things. Now I'm yellow."

"I don't know whether you're brave or foolish," the second flamingo answered. "Messing with your natural diet can be dangerous to your health. Besides, you stand out from the flock. You're an obvious target for predators."

"But I die unique! We all have to die someday. It's how we live in the meantime that matters."

The other flamingo thought a moment. "I wonder if it's possible to turn green."

He flew to a group of other flamingos, who were happily skimming the water for their midday meal.

"Guys, how about if we're not pink?" he suggested.

The other flamingos stared at him.

"I'm going to eat some stuff to make me turn green."

"That is awesome!" one of his friends complimented. "I want to be blue!"

One of the most adventurous flamingos proudly exclaimed, "I want to get stripes and spots!"

I judged these flamingos to be little more than juveniles. When I was younger, I too decided to change my image, so with the help of Prince Mufasa and some appropriately colored fruits, I had dyed my bill yellow. I was proud of my assumed identity, for instead of a red-billed hornbill, I would now be mistaken for a yellow-billed hornbill.

Unfortunately, my cousin found out about my clever ruse, and he flew all the way to Pride Rock simply to inform me that my beak was now the shape and color of a ripe banana. He further taunted me by giving me the cruel moniker "Banana Beak."

"You can't be rude to the newly appointed majordomo!" his sister had argued. "We must show our cousin respect!" After a pause, she added, "We must call him _Mister_ Banana Beak."

I failed to find the humor in their jest.

Over the years, my sense of humor had barely progressed at all. I still failed to find anything amusing about the prospect of various colored flamingos, especially when my wing was throbbing dreadfully from an injury that had begun as nothing more than a minor irritation.


	14. Fox

**Fox**

Only the hearts of coldest stone would have turned away from the small creature that wept as he lapped insects from the ground.

"Good afternoon," I greeted.

He shook his head. "No understand."

Judging from his accent, he was from a kingdom far to the north, so I tried a greeting in a different tongue.

The fox smiled. "You have the most unusual accent."

"Where are you from? Who is your king?"

"I have no king," he answered. "I am from the Great Desert. The colorful dunes tower even higher than Simba's kopje, and when the wind blows, some of the sands sing."

"How did you get this far south?"

"Exotic pet trade. I escaped." He sighed. "I am not like the other foxes here. I am not tall like they are. My fur is a different color. The bat-eared foxes have been kind to me, but if I ever took a mate, I would need another fennec fox. I miss playing on the Singing Dunes. It was as if the Great Desert sang me a lullaby. I miss talking with the sand cats. I sometimes feared the caracal and the jackal and the striped hyena and the eagle owl, but I did not have to fear lions or spotted hyenas or leopards."

"Why not go back?" I suggested.

"It's too far. I'd never make it on my own."

What was I to advise him? If he remained in the Pride Lands, or even the surrounding desert, he would never encounter a creature of his own species. If he attempted to return to the Great Desert, he would soon perish.

"Dye your fur an unusual color and say you are a spirit," I suggested. "That should keep most predators from harming you. There may be some who are desperate enough to risk divine disfavor to satisfy their hunger, but do you not face the same problem here?"

His smile lit up his entire face. "Now I see why you were appointed the king's majordomo! You have wisdom and compassion!"

He immediately rushed over to the nearest grove and began rolling in the fruit that lay rotting on the ground. After nearly a quarter of an hour, he was satisfied.

"How do I look?" he asked eagerly.

"I can honestly say I've never seen a more unusual creature," I stated, "especially with the leaves clinging to your fur."

"Thank you much for the idea!" After a pause, he added, "Remember to ask your Great Kings to watch over your friend Nadir."

"Of course," I agreed. "Wherever your journey may lead you, allow our prayers to be your guide, though it may take you far beyond distant lands."

Unfortunately, his journey ended as soon as he began his trek to the north. A goshawk swooped behind him and latched on with its talons, carrying him to the skies.

I was horrified. I understood the Circle of Life, the delicate balance between predator and prey, but the poor fox had been so full of life, so hopeful that one day he would be reunited with his beloved Singing Dunes with the sand cats of the Great Desert.

If the Great Kings of the Past looked down on us from celestial bodies, what happened to the rest of us upon our demise? I had always assumed I too would be sent beyond the stars, that I may faithful serve in death the kings I had served my entire life, but what of the fennec fox? Would his soul become the wind that caressed his beloved dunes until they sang for him, his bright eyes the stars that gazed admiringly at the Great Desert that had consumed his heart even more than the goshawk consumed his meat? Would his face appear in the pool of an oasis as a sand cat gazed upon his own reflection?

Wherever the fox was now, I prayed his soul would be guided somewhere he would at last find respite from his grief.


	15. Galago

**Galago**

As I was feeling a bit peckish, I managed to flutter to the nearest fruit tree for my midday meal. I never ate in front of anyone, for my species was not created to dine in a dignified manner. Our tongues are too short to reach food at the tip of our beaks, so we must fling it into the air and catch it at the back of the bill so it will slide down the throat. Others of my kind sometimes dine on small animals, but as the king's majordomo, I must adopt an air of approachability for even the smallest of the king's loyal subjects; thus I eat only fruit.

"Tell me something."

Startled by the unexpected voice, I look up to see a galago watching me with keen interest. The galago stared with vacant eyes that were nearly too large for its face.

"What sort of something?" I demanded brusquely.

"If I know things, I will become useful. Then I can try for a position in the royal court, and it will be illegal to eat me."

I sighed. "Everyone wishes to be protected by law, but it's dreadfully hard to enforce such an edict. Even human kings are unable to protect their own kind."

"Do you know the history of the Pride Lands?"

I was deeply offended. As the king's majordomo, I know the history of the royal family better than that of my own life.

"No, I mean the other history," the galago replied.

"There is no other history!" I retorted sharply.

"So you don't know how the humans decided to make this land what they call a national park, and you've never heard of the Kings of the South who caused the hyena clans here to grow so large, and you have no interest in how a colony of meerkats came to dwell in the Serengeti when all others live far beyond the lands of the Kings of the South?"

I frowned. "What are you saying?"

"Nothing. There is no other history than that of the royal family. You said so yourself. The history of how we got a greater variety of wildlife than anywhere else in all Africa is of no consequence."

I thought a moment. "I suppose the king could allow you to dwell in the oasis where the meerkat colony lives if you're overly concerned with predation. After all, it may be of use for the king to learn something of his loyal subjects…" I frowned. "But how would you know?"

The galago shrugged. "I know things. You see, I am from the land beyond the Kings of the South, yet I have seen the Great Desert of the North."

"That's farther than you'd be able to travel in an entire lifetime!" I argued.

"I have ways. I know things."

As he turned to leave, I was confident he would never be eaten. His predators would suffer horrific migraines before they could begin their feast.


	16. Gazelle

**Gazelle**

A small herd of gazelles came to the water's edge to drink their fill. They were wary, for crocodiles lurked beneath the surface, and lion often used the water hole to set up an ambush.

One gazelle proudly tossed his head to display his horns. "You ready to impress the ladies?"

A second gazelle sighed. "I'm not even going to try."

"Why not? We've been bachelors our whole lives, and the only females who notice us are lionesses!"

"Not so. The leopardess also hunts us, as do female cheetahs, female hyenas, female wild dogs…"

"I get it!" The first gazelle took another drink. "But why not try for a mate?"

"Well, if we're to be honest, I could never impress a female. You see…" The second gazelle leaned in closer and whispered, "I can't pronk."

The first gazelle started laughing until the second lowered his head in shame.

"You were serious?" the first asked. "Come, it's easy. You just think of something joyful or frightening, and you throw your back into the air and keep your legs straight, like this."

He began pronking as a demonstration. The second gazelle tried to lift his back into the air, but he fell to the ground.

"How have you survived this long?" his companion asked.

"I can run and leap well enough. I just can't pronk."

The first gazelle thought a moment. "I've got it! Pretend you are the king's majordomo!"

The second frowned. "Zazu? But birds don't…"

"Pretend you're Zazu, and I'm a hyena."

"Okay…"

"Now I've got you, little stooge, and I'm going to cram you into this geyser!"

In one graceful motion, the gazelle pretending to be me threw his back into a perfect arch and lifted himself into the air, his legs rigid until he finally touched the ground.

"I did it!" he announced jubilantly.

A female gazelle wandered over to the two bachelors. "Wow! I've never seen anyone pronk so high before! You must be super strong and really fast!"

"I taught him everything he knows," the first gazelle announced proudly.

"Did you now?" A second female approached the group.

Although I should be proud that I have helped inspired gazelles to continue the Circle of Life, that the delicate balance of existence may advance, I was highly insulted. No one ever speaks of my faithful service to the king or all I do for his loyal subjects. Everyone, however, eagerly reminds their friends and relatives of the time that wretched hyena crammed me into the geyser, which left scars I bear to this day.


	17. Giraffe

**Giraffe**

A young face of a large creature suddenly appeared before me as I perched on my branch.

"Mother, do I have to eat this bird?"

I was so alarmed that I lost a few feathers.

"Not this one, dear," the mother giraffe replied. "We only eat baby birds in their nests when we need to supplement our diet. It's actually not common, but even ducks and ground squirrels will scavenge meat at times."

The young giraffe took a mouthful of leaves. "I like these better than the acacia."

"You'll get used to the thorns, my love. Your mouth and tongue were made for that purpose."

"Are these little fruits safe to eat?"

"They are. Fruit is a nice treat for us."

The giraffes continued browsing.

The mother giraffe smiled at me sympathetically. "Poor bird! Your wing must ache dreadfully. I know someone who can help you."

"Do you?" I asked eagerly.

She frowned. "Forgive me, Zazu. I didn't recognize you until you spoke. So many hornbills frequent this tree that…"

"Never mind that!" I interrupted. "You said you knew someone who could help."

The mother giraffe sighed. "If you were anyone other than Zazu…"

"What difference is it who I am?" I demanded impatiently.

"She is the best kept secret in the Pride Lands. We would never betray her…not even for the king's majordomo."

I placed my wings on my hips. "And why not?"

"It is your duty to inform the king of all unwanted residents in his realm."

"I'd hardly say anyone who cares for His Majesty's subjects is unwanted," I argued. "Whoever she is, I'm sure we can arrange some manner of compromise. Is she a buffalo? A zebra? A leopardess?"

The giraffe shook her head. She would tell me no more.

"At least tell me how long she's been here!"

There was no reply other than the rustle of leaves and the giraffe's blue tongue wrapped around them.

"Her name? Her motives? Anything?"

"I've said too much already." The giraffe took a fruit from the nearest branch. "May the Great Kings of the Past protect you and grant you health, Zazu."

I was so frustrated that I began beating my head against the tree.

"Mother, is he a woodpecker?" the young giraffe asked.

"Whatever he may be, we must never tell this bird our secrets, dear," the mother explained. "He is the king's majordomo. Everything he sees or hears, he tells the lions."

The young giraffe shuddered.

"Sometimes we must even give him false information so the lions will never believe anything he tells them about us. It is the only way to ensure the survival of our species."

I tried to remind them that purposely giving false information is perjury, a serious crime that merits severe punishment, but I was so exasperated that I was barely able to speak. Giraffes always seem to feel they're above it all.


	18. Glass Lizard

**Glass Lizard**

When the creature slithered to the waterhole, I thought at first I was seeing a snake, but I soon realized my error. It stared into the water for the longest time without blinking.

"I beg your pardon, but are you searching for something?" I queried.

"My identity," he answered. "Who am I? I am not a serpent, but I do not have legs like other lizards."

I had no simplistic answer. I had often wondered what purpose glass lizards served other than to remind us all of the creativity of the great Circle of Life.

"Just think what you could do in the field of espionage!" I remarked.

Slowly, the lizard began to smile.

"It is true," he stated aloud. "I could roll in mud and disguise myself as a cobra, or I could use twigs and leaves to disguise myself as another species of lizard."

"Shall I put you in touch with the gopher?"

The lizard considered the matter for a while. "No, thanks. If I'm truly good at espionage, I shall be able to find him and convince him myself! If I can do that, I can convince anybody of anything!"

With that, he slithered away, and I held the mistaken belief that I might have a few moments of tranquility.

Unfortunately, three creatures soon burst from the scrubland. They were all rather scruffy, but although two bore stripes of a similar pattern, the third was brown.

"Good afternoon to you," I greeted.

The brown one stared at me. "Hey! It's the king's stooge! This will be even better than I thought!"

"What do you mean?" I demanded.

"We're staging a demonstration," one of the striped animals stated.

"Why?"

"Because we don't have enough of a complaint to stage a protest, you idiot!"

The other striped creature used his claw to write in the mud: **HYENA LIVES MATTER!**

"Very well," I sighed. "What seems to be the trouble?"

The first striped creature cleared his throat. "I am an aardwolf, considered by most to be a subspecies of hyena. Look upon me! Do you think I could cause a stampede? The only way I could kill a wildebeest is if it died of laughter!"

"Gaze upon me!" The brown hyena bowed, but I could tell the courteous gesture was made in greatest sarcasm. "Do I, generally a solitary creature, look as if I dwell in clans large enough to challenge a lion pride?"

"And how dangerous am I?" demanded the striped hyena. "When I eat meat, it's usually dead before I find it!"

"Valid points, all," I admitted, "but what seems to be the trouble?"

"Your king has evicted all hyenas!" the striped one exclaimed.

"Even the likes of us!" added the aardwolf.

"Are our species to be punished for the actions of the spotted hyena?" the brown one demanded.

"Not in the least," I stated. "You may stay. I shall inform the king this very day that he should specify his edict for this purpose."

I wished Simba would learn to conduct his own matters, but with his lack of experience, I was often forced to do his job in addition to my own. Perhaps he simply needed more time.


	19. Gorilla

**Gorilla**

When I saw the large ape, I feared he was another tourist, but instead of seeking adventure, he sat quietly by the waterhole.

"Good afternoon to you, sir," I greeted cordially.

"As to you." He smiled. "The savanna is beautiful, isn't it?"

"Quite," I agreed. "To what do we owe the pleasure of this visit?"

"I've been sent to study a group of humans. It's amazing how much these primitive apes are so much like ourselves. Did you know their babies suck their thumbs, just like ours do?"

"I've never considered the matter."

The gorilla laughed. "But of course not. You're a bird."

He sat quietly for a while, observing the butterflies that flew around the budding trees.

"Did you know that there is now evidence that some humans believe in spirituality of some sort?" he asked.

My eyes widened in disbelief. "You don't say!"

"Many gorillas think humans are just primitive beasts who are eager to attack, but new evidence suggests they may be social creatures with complex family structures and hierarchies. Did you know they can use tools just like we can, and some can even be taught to communicate with us by using their hands?"

"Quite fascinating," I remarked. "Can they show emotion?"

"I tend to think so. I've been studying their vocalizations and behaviors. They're very interesting."

"Do they beat their chests as your kind does?"

The gorilla nodded. "When humans do it, it seems to be for emphasis rather than aggression. A human might beat his chest to show 'I myself will do it.'"

According to the gorilla, humans also hum, but rather than "Please don't bother me," the hum seemed to be a noise that indicated boredom. Humans also made ape sounds when excited, such as, "Oooh!" or "Ahhh!" or "Oh!" Human infants also cried, screamed, and whimpered, much like baby gorillas, and they also liked being embraced in the arms of their mothers.

"Do they also groom each other?" I queried.

The gorilla explained that although it looked different, there did seem to be evidence of social grooming. A mother human might run a crude tool through her daughter's hair. There were even humans who groomed the hair of complete strangers all day long.

"Whatever for?" I asked.

"Money."

"What's money?"

"I think it's like leaves and rocks that humans give each other. It's more valuable than food. Whoever has the biggest collection of money is the dominant male or female."

I nodded to show I understood.

"Did you know that humans even build nests?" The gorilla struggled to find words that fit the description properly. "They aren't like our nests, but they aren't quite like yours either. They call them houses."

Clearly there was more to these strange creatures than what met the eye.


	20. Guinea Fowl

**Guinea Fowl**

For some creatures, their reputations precede them. For guinea fowl, their voices precede them. They're the only residents of the Pride Lands who combine a shrill whistle with a chirp right before going into a low, rasping cough. I know not one animal who enjoys the noise.

"Could you please tone it down a bit?" I asked politely. "Some creatures are beginning to enjoy their midday slumber."

The flock of guineas began fluttering in the dust.

One of them looked up at me and announced, "We want more privileges!"

"More privileges?" I demanded in bewilderment. "Is it not enough that the king allows you to dwell within his land and make those vexing noises?"

"We overheard human tourists talking. Years ago, a bag of guineas was of great value. We think since we're so valuable, we should have more rights!"

I sighed. "Gold guineas! Humans years ago valued the gold guinea. You wastes of feathers are blatantly speckled!"

For the first time in my life, I actually saw a flock of guineas fall speechless.

"What color is gold?" one finally asked.

"The color of the yellow grasses of the savanna when struck by the midday sun," I explained.

"If we turned gold, would we be more important?"

"Surely!" I muttered.

The guinea fowl began speaking quietly among themselves.

"How do we turn gold?" one wondered aloud.

"Maybe we should lie in the sun all day!" another suggested. "If it makes the green grass turn yellow and the yellow grass turn gold, maybe it will make us change colors as well!"

"An excellent idea!" I suggested. "Have you tried the Equator?"

They all stared at me, perplexed by my words.

I feigned being startled. "You've never heard of the Equator? Oh, my dear guineas! You know not what pleasures you have missed!"

Of course, I myself had never ventured to the Equator, but the guinea fowl had no need to learn this information.

"It is the magical land where the sunlight beams its finest rays upon our world!" I continued. "To find it, you must walk in the direction of the sun."

The guineas began their trek, already excited about the prospect of golden feathers. I realized perhaps I should have given them alternate directions, for with the rising and setting of the sun each day, there was a risk that the guinea fowl would eventually find their way back to the Pride Lands. I could only hope that by that time, the flock would have at least reduced in number.


	21. Hamster

**Hamster**

Living in a vast area of unkempt wilderness, I've seen more than my fair share of rodents, but this one was highly unusual. It was rather plump and had only a short stub of a tail. Furthermore, it insisted on humming under its breath, and it seemed to dance rather than walk at a normal gait.

"Good day to you!" I greeted. "I don't believe I've had the pleasure of making your acquaintance!"

The rodent tilted its head. "Are you going to eat me?"

"I don't eat meat."

He grinned. "I'm Fluffy!"

I frowned. "Highly unusual name."

"Not for hamsters."

I sighed. "I'm sorry to inform you that any creature with the moniker of _Fluffy_ is highly unlikely to survive his first day on the savanna."

"I'm a wild animal!" the hamster insisted. "For millennia, my kind has eked out a living in the harshness of the unforgiving deserts of the Middle East!"

"Yes, well, these are the unforgiving savannas of Africa."

"I'll adapt." He looked up at the tree. "Where do I get water?"

Was this creature honestly so foolish that he believed water came from trees rather than the ground?

"The waterhole is right there," I informed him.

"I can't drink water from a hole in the ground," Fluffy explained. "There's a special bottle that hangs from something tall, and it makes water whenever I gnaw on it."

May the king forgive me for losing my air of regality, but I was nearly overcome with laughter. What a strange creature this poor fool seemed to be!

"Dare I ask what you eat?" I queried.

"I find the bowl with my food mixed up in it."

I shook my head in disbelief.

"I usually travel in my plastic ball. It keeps me safe from dogs and cats."

Before I could reply, a human child walked into the clearing. She eagerly seized the unwilling hamster.

"Oh, Fluffy! There you are! I thought I'd never find you!"

The child's mother rushed to her and seized her by the arm.

"You cannot wander off like that!" the mother scolded. "You could have been ambushed by lions, drowned by crocodiles, bitten in two by hippos, mauled by hyenas, dropped on by a leopard, gored by buffalo…!"

The mother continued scolding as she dragged her child back toward the temporary dwelling that humans call the _safari camp._

I couldn't help but smile at the slight traces of nostalgia that tugged at my heart. Prince Mufasa was not always the dignified king we came to admire for his courage and compassion, and as a cub, he had placed himself in all the dangers the human mother had mentioned, as well as several others.

I tried to stop him, for in addition to my natural sense of loyalty to the royal family, I was also his whipping boy. As a small bird, I did not care to be thrashed by an adult lion, although the king mercifully controlled his strength enough to avoid causing serious wounds. I do believe Prince Mufasa felt slight guilt when he saw me punished for his sake, but he soon forgot his lessons.

"Young master, perhaps we should refrain from adventures today," I would suggest. "The sun is shining. The food is plentiful. Let us simply enjoy this beautiful day by basking in the warmth of its gentle glow."

"But I'm bored!" he would whine.

"You're headstrong," I would argue, "and with an attitude like that, I'm afraid you're shaping up to be a pretty pathetic king indeed!"

In a cruel twist of irony, he had died defending his own headstrong cub from danger, but not before becoming one of the greatest kings the Pride Lands has ever known.


	22. Hippopotamus

**Hippopotamus**

The hippopotami floated blissfully in the waterhole, making irritating grunting noises.

"What troubles you, my strong one?" a female asked her male.

He twirled his ears. "I am King of the River, as Simba is King of the Grassland, yet I have no responsibilities other than fighting other males and wooing females."

"Be grateful for such an easy life. Would you prefer to fight enemies of various species day and night?"

"I guess you're right."

Elsewhere, a mother was explaining to her infant why hippos eat grass at night.

According to legend, the first Lion King commanded the birds to dwell in the trees and the antelope to dwell in the plains. The first hippopotamus was burned by the rays of the sun, so he begged permission to be a water creature.

"No!" the first king protested. "A creature as large as yourself would always be hungry. Your kind would soon rid the waters of every last fish!"

"I promise I won't," the hippopotamus pleaded. "I will eat nothing while I am in the water. I will graze on grass when I am hungry."

The king considered the request. "You must come ashore every night while I sleep, but you may remain in the water by day when I can keep an eye on you!"

When the mother hippopotamus finished her story, another female shook her head.

"What nonsense! We come ashore at night because it's cooler!" she stated. "You shouldn't teach your offspring such lies!"

"Teaching him to use his imagination is harmless!" the mother protested.

"You ought to be teaching him something useful, like how to bite a crocodile in half!"

"I only fight when I have to. Defending your stretch of river or your baby doesn't mean you purposely go looking to pick a fight."

I was so concerned with watching the hippopotami that in my distraction, I lost my balance and fell from my perch. The branch was relatively low, and I did manage to flutter a bit to slow my fall, so I was not injured, but I was on the ground, unable to fly away.

My first instinct was to panic, but I reminded myself to remain calm. I needed to think.

Another creature would surely approach before much time had passed. I would then ask this animal to help me back to my perch, or better yet, allow me to ride on his or her shoulders to Pride Rock. The king would reward his devoted subject for being of service to his majordomo.

"Good afternoon, Zazu."

When I turned and saw the source of the unexpected voice, I knew my chances of survival had passed, for I was looking into the face of a hyena.


	23. Hyena

**Hyena**

"Very well, madame. I concede defeat," I began. "You've every right to eat me. I am in the shadows, after all. However, I wonder if perhaps we might reach some manner of compromise. I'm certain the king would reward you with a much larger meal if you see fit to spare my life."

The hyena gently scooped me up in her paws and placed me on her shoulder. She then began walking into the distance.

"Where are you taking me?" I queried. "Kindly refrain from scalding me in a geyser! If I must be killed, I wish to avoid humiliation."

When we reached a certain grove in the wasteland, I was amazed by what I saw. Small leaves had been tied with vines to form hammocks, and there were gourds containing liquids and powders of various colors.

"You must think I'm a complete idiot," the hyena remarked. "You think a lone hyena would be foolish enough to anger an entire pride of lions?"

She placed me in one of the hammocks and seized the tip of my injured wing to extend it.

"What manner of torture are you plotting?" I demanded. "In the name of King Simba, I demand…!"

She chuckled. "Simba now, is it? The lions' kingdom changes paws so often, I can never keep it straight."

"You plotted with Scar to overthrow Mufasa!"

"Actually, my ex-matriarch plotted with Scar to overthrow Mufasa. I plotted with myself to overthrow Scar."

The hyena began mixing a powder and a liquid together on a leaf. I noticed that the gourds had been painted with berries. The different designs no doubt denoted which product any given gourd contained.

"I saw you earlier," I stated. "Where's the vervet monkey?"

"She is my assistant, not my servant. She comes and goes as she pleases. I teach her about herbs. She teaches me how to make the most of my paws. It's always nice to have someone with opposable thumbs around."

The hyena then placed the leaf directly over the embedded thorn.

"Remove it at once, madame!" I demanded.

"You have to give it time," she remarked nonchalantly.

"While we're giving it time, as you call it, perhaps you would be so kind as to explain yourself! Who are you? What are you doing to me? Have you done this to others? How do you know the crocodile?"

"Animals believe in the Circle of Life," the hyena replied. "Humans believe in the Ladder of Corporate, whatever that means. I overheard them talking about it years ago when I was a cub. See, one human becomes an expert at something. Then other humans who don't know how or are too lazy to do it themselves make the other human do it for them, and the human who did the work gets something in exchange for his or her service. I know ways to help the sick and injured before they become easy prey, and in return, I am given food or herbs I may need. It's been years since I've had to do my own hunting."

"Congratulations, but I still don't know your name."

She smiled. "There are some who call me Daktari. It's a human term for someone who tends injuries and helps treat illness."

By the time she removed the leaf, my wing was throbbing so greatly I could hardly bear the discomfort, but the thorn had partially worked itself out.

"How did you do that?" I queried.

The hyena dipped two twigs in some manner of resin and put one on either side of the thorn. She then sprinkled some manner of powder over them.

"When this dries, it could pull the tusk from a live elephant." Seeing my look of horror, she added, "Figuratively speaking."

"How did you learn the things you know? How long have you been doing this? Why weren't you loyal to Scar? Does the rest of your clan know? How long do you plan to…?" My question was interrupted by my squawk of pain, for my wing had simultaneously a deep burn and a sharp sting, and I felt as if it were being ripped from my body.

"It's alright," the hyena consoled. "We got it. The worst is over."

I noticed the umbrella thorn at the end of the resin-covered twigs.

"Deep breath."

Before I could ask why, she pressed on either side of my injury, causing it to suppurate.

"Confound you!" I complained. "I am not enjoying this anguish!"

"No wonder you were unable to fly. You managed to get it right between a muscle and a nerve. The tremendous pressure on both would have made you motionless." She smiled sympathetically. "Poor Zazu, unable to live up to his name! Well, not to worry. You'll be moving about freely in no time."

The hyena took another gourd of liquid and poured it over my injury. I felt as if I had stuck my entire wing into a nest of wasps.

"Now see here, madame!" I protested. "There is no acceptable reason for…"

"Did you want to lose the wing to infection?" She began mixing more liquid and powder on a leaf. "This will help."

"That's what you said about the rest of this torture!" I argued.

However, when she placed the leaf over my injury and carefully tied it with a short vine, I had to admit my discomfort had been greatly assuaged.

"What did you do to me?" I queried.

The hyena shrugged. "I do not know the exact human words for it, but I know even humans use plants to make things that help them feel better. Can you fly?"

My wing was still a bit sore, but not nearly as much as it had previously been. I found myself able to fly easily enough.

"You never told me your real name," I remarked.

"So we've never officially met, so I am still one of the best kept secrets of the savanna…until King Simba finds out about my existence and exiles me for invading his land over a technicality."

"Yes, well, perhaps it would displease him to find out his majordomo accepted help from a hyena, so it may be wise to refrain from mentioning this encounter…"

She smiled warmly. "_Asante_, Zazu!"

I cleared my throat. "And thank you to you as well, Daktari."

With that, I flew away.


	24. Hyrax

**Hyrax**

The rocks of the ground seemed to be moving. As I looked closer, I realized that these rocks were actually a group of hyraxes.

"Good afternoon," I greeted. "What is the nature of this errand?"

The hyraxes looked up at me and began chanting in unison. "Take the kopje! Take the kopje!"

I frowned. "You can't be serious!"

"Listen, bird," one of the hyraxes began, "we naturally make our home among the rocks, so why do the lions have the largest kopje for miles?"

"Because they are royalty," I explained.

"They are not our royals!"

I was perturbed over the lack of unity among the king's loyal subjects. Nearly every species had declared or demonstrated disloyalty to the leonine sovereigns.

For the sake of their kingdom, the royals would have to create an event unifying their subjects in loyalty. After all, perhaps the distrust was simply the result of years under Scar's granite paw.

"Cease your conquest, and I shall give you the opportunity to present your case before the king himself," I promised. "I shall inform King Simba that on the day he takes his queen, when his loyal subjects have gathered to wish him well, he shall hear representatives from each species present their concerns. I know he desires to be a worthy successor of his late father, and he cares deeply for the needs of all who dwell within his realm."

The hyraxes whispered among themselves.

"What of the prey species?" one demanded.

"I believe the lionesses plan to alternate their hunts," I explained. "Each species will have only a few days each month to fear lion attacks, and the lionesses have sworn not to take shortcuts and eat prey alive when it is too weak to struggle. They will do their utmost to kill swiftly with as little trauma as possible."

"What if the prey fights back?" another hyrax queried.

"Every creature has the right to fight for its life, even to escape if possible."

The hyraxes whispered among themselves once more.

"We still want the kopje," one stated.

"Perhaps you may share it," I suggested. "Lions sleep most of the day to conserve energy. Perhaps while the lions are resting, the hyraxes may scurry about the kopje as they will, but if any of the lions are disturbed, protection is not guaranteed for the hyraxes. It is the way of the Circle of Life."

There was more whispering.

Another hyrax looked up at me. "Agreed, bird. We take the kopje while the lions sleep and leave it while the king is holding court."

I was uncertain if Simba would welcome the intrusion, but if they only scampered about while he slept, would he even notice? After all, they had agreed to accept execution if any of the lions were disturbed.

I only hoped the king wouldn't be too displeased when he heard his day of marriage would be filled with complaints from disloyal subjects.


	25. Impala

**Impala**

Judging from the way they stamped their hooves in frustration, the impala herd was clearly in distress.

"What troubles you?" I queried.

"You do!" the nearest impala retorted.

"If you must know," began a second, "we just lost one of our own!"

"Curse that cheetah!" a third exclaimed.

"It may please you to know that a cheetah is dying," I consoled.

The first impala rolled his eyes. "Was dying, you mean!"

An elderly impala sighed. "Surely Sorrow and Tears shall plague us all the days of our lives."

I frowned. "Masozi survived then?"

"And worse!"

"What's worse?"

The impala elder stared at me. "Are you seriously this much of an idiot?"

"Silence!" another scolded, her own voice quavering with age. "Let the lions and the cheetahs fight their own battles. Why should we choose one side when either will take our lives?"

The other impalas nodded sagely.

I was beginning to suspect the cheetahs were withholding vital information from their king, so I flew back to where I had seen them earlier. Bujune was sharing an impala with his beloved Masozi.

The female cheetah looked horrible. Her face still looked as if she had spent the entire day running uphill at top speed, and she frequently cleared her throat, although she still rasped. Furthermore, there were red stains on her fur, as if she had recently sustained a ghastly wound.

"But do you think we can trust her?" she whispered.

"We'd better," her mate replied. "I owe her my next kill."

"I should make the next kill."

"You should get some rest. You need to rebuild your strength."

Bujune suddenly glared my direction. "A thousand curses on him!"

Despite my growing sense of dread, I attempted to remain civil. "Good afternoon to you, sir."

He hissed in irritation. "How much do you know, bird?"

"Your mate had severe indigestion this morning, but someone seems to have helped her survive," I replied.

"And?"

"That's all I know."

Bujune paced in front of me, the tip of his tail twitching. Masozi glared, but she did not rise from her meal.

"Do you swear by the late King Mufasa that you know nothing else?" Bujune demanded.

"Yes, I swear it!" I replied.

"If any member of my species dies by your report, you shall die by mine!"

"I shall not report your whereabouts to the king!" I stated. "He has far more important matters on his mind!"

"Now go!" Bujune ordered. "But I swear by the Heavenly Racers, if you ever come near my mate again, I will kill you! You've been warned, Zazu!"


	26. Jackal

**Jackal**

By the time I saw the family of jackals, I was in somewhat better humor. Those pesky cheetahs would answer to the king himself for threatening his majordomo, and I barely even noticed my previously injured wing.

Jackals are no threat to the pride, but they are a source of constant irritation. Any jackal with half a brain knows it can easily be killed by a lion, but the species also loves to test the limits and see how many scraps they can scavenge before causing the lions to lose their tempers.

"Good afternoon, Zazu!" the female called when she saw me. "Would you care to play badminton with us?"

"And what is that?" I asked.

"It's a human game."

"How does one play badminton?"

She grinned. "I get a club. Then my mate gets a club. Then we hit the birdie back and forth between us."

I rolled my eyes. "Hardly humorous!"

The male scratched his ear, digging at what appeared to be a flea. "Thought we were goners when that distemper epidemic came through here, but we pulled through. Thank the Queens of the Past!"

I cleared my throat. "Yes, the king is certainly concerned with the health of his subjects. What recent epidemics should he guard himself against?"

The jackal shrugged. "I just know the ones affecting my kind."

Several small heads began emerging from an underground burrow.

"Stay down, children!" the mother whispered. "The bird here serves the lions. They will kill you!"

The heads disappeared.

"If you have any sense, you'll forget what you saw!" the mother warned. "If my family dies, so shall you!"

"You're not the first to make that threat," I replied.

"If any of them are harmed, I'll see to it that I'm the last!"

I cleared my throat. "We were discussing epidemics."

The male jackal yawned and stretched. His mate continued to glare at me. For some reason, all mothers tend to believe I deliberately inform the lion pride about the location of their offspring and send the lionesses at once to kill the infants.

"She knows ways to prevent them," the male jackal remarked. "The meerkats haven't had any trouble since…" He shook his head.

"If you mean the lone hyena, we've already met," I stated.

"I do, but for being a spotted hyena, she's surprisingly difficult to spot when she doesn't want to be found. She's also secretive about her methods. Always knows more than she lets on."

I frowned. "So you have sided with the hyenas rather than your king?"

"Go sit on a geyser!" the jackal retorted. "While my king was napping at an oasis, the hyena saved my life! She insisted to Scar, may he rot and burn, that she be put in charge of the pups, the cubs, the foals, the calves, the lambs, the fawns, the kittens…" He chuckled. "And that fool agreed! He made it illegal for any other hyena to hunt any creature that had not yet reached adulthood! But as you know, she's a scavenger, not a huntress, so she never killed any of us either. She's the reason our generation survived long enough to be King Simba's loyal subjects."

The female jackal nodded. "Doesn't that alone merit our loyalty? And just consider everything else she's done since!"


	27. Kudu

**Kudu**

The very small horns were enough to inform me that the kudu who came to the waterhole that afternoon was female. She must have grazed well, for her stomach was so swollen that it nearly dragged the ground.

"Bird!" she called when she saw me. "Tell the king I have information!"

The king desires to hear from all his subjects, so prey species are always delighted when they have information for His Majesty, for by law, any animal who needs to report a matter cannot be eaten until the issue has been solved.

"I will arrange an audience for you," I promised. "What manner of information do you have?"

"Someone has disrupted the Circle of Life, and we nearly lost an acacia grove. It would have been devastating for the giraffes, and in their disappearance, who knows what may have happened to other species?"

"What happened?"

According to the kudu, someone had informed a flock of guinea fowl that they would become valuable if they journeyed to the Equator by following the sun. With the unexpected arrival of guineas in a certain area of the savanna, a snake had taken fright and sought refuge in the nearest tree.

Unfortunately, a huge colony of weaver birds had decided to build nests in that very tree. The nests were huge, some dating back nearly a century. When the birds saw the serpent, they falsely concluded that he had come to destroy their young, so they attacked.

Seeing the weaver birds flutter about in a panic, a mongoose raised the alarm, and the colony banded together for protection.

A mouse, who saw the large group of mongooses approaching, feared they were out hunting. It scurried away as fast as it could.

Unfortunately, a group of human tourists happened to notice the mouse. One woman was so frightened that she screamed, dropping the smoking stick that some humans put in their mouths. The flame instantly set the dry grass ablaze.

The quick action of a human named Park Ranger prevented a wildfire, thankfully before the flames had time to consume the acacia grove.

"What sort of heartless beast would fool those poor guineas?" the kudu concluded. "Are we not all part of the great Circle of Life? Who would be cruel enough to consider them an inferior species?"

I began to feel ill, not only from shame for my thoughtless actions, but also from fear of what the king would say.

Acacia trees give humans a substance used in many foods and drinks they consume. Some humans even put it in the concoctions they swallow when they fall ill. To lose our acacia groves would be to lose much of our worth as a national park. (The acacia substance is harvested only under the strictest control of the human kings.)

Without worth as a national park, our land would be turned into farms, and we would all lose our homes. Without our presence, human visitors would have little to no interest in Africa, and the human kings of Africa would have no resources to care for their loyal subjects.

Disrupting the natural Circle of Life is a grave matter, but when the effects reach humans, there can be no worse crime.


	28. Leopard

**Leopard**

The kudu had barely finished speaking to me when the leopardess arrived in the clearing. Although the kudu fled, the leopardess paid no heed. She simply drank from the waterhole until she had quenched her thirst.

"Good afternoon to you, madame," I greeted cordially.

Something about her smile made me uneasy when she replied, "Good afternoon, Zazu. How fares our noble king?"

"He fares quite well, thank you," I replied.

"He's to marry soon, is he not?"

"Yes, to his betrothed."

The tip of her tail twitched. "I hope the new queen has many cubs."

I frowned. "I hope you're not thinking of…!"

"Not illegally," she assured me, "but if they should at any time intrude on my land…"

"You don't want to plan the demise of the princes and princesses," I warned. "You'll start a war. Think of your own cubs!"

"I'm too old." The leopardess lay down and began cleaning her paw in that irritating manner all cats have. "I bore several litters in my prime, but I lost them all to lions. I didn't even try under Scar's reign. Now we have another king, but I fear to try again. I am so old that I have trouble hunting for myself, let alone cubs."

At least if she were as old as she claimed to be, she could be overpowered easily by a healthy lion in his or her prime, so as long as the royal children avoided the leopard's territory, all should be well.

When she had finished washing her paws, the leopardess turned to slink back into the shadows. In the manner so typical of cats, she left without indicating what she was planning to do next.

A while later, Bujune came to the waterhole. Once again, he carried a gourd so he could carry water to his mate.

"I thought cheetahs got all the water they needed from the blood of their prey!" I remarked.

Without a moment's hesitation, Bujune evenly replied, "And I thought lions were polygamous."

My eyes widened. "Other prides may, but Simba would never be unfaithful to his future queen! It would jeopardize the future of the kingdom if cubs questioned the legitimacy of their claim to the throne! Furthermore, Simba and Nala are in love, having been dear friends since childhood."

"There you have your answer. Love sometimes causes us to step outside our traditional roles in the Circle of Life."

Bujune sniffed at the ground, a hiss escaping his lips as he caught the scent of leopard.

"What are you hiding?" I demanded. "You've been behaving suspiciously all day!"

He glared. "Do not follow me!"

As he trotted off, I was all the more determined to discover his secret, so I followed at a safe distance, concealing myself in the foliage of trees.

When he reached the area where Masozi was hiding, I was startled to realize she had growths along her body from forelimbs to abdomen. No wonder she hadn't wished to be noticed. First she had suffered horrific indigestion, and now she had some manner of tumor development.

"That was fast," she remarked. "Is everything alright?"

Bujune sighed. "I'm afraid not. There's a leopardess on the prowl."

Masozi gasped in horror, lowering her head with a groan. "The only way out of her realm is to move closer to the lions' kopje, but lions are even worse than leopards." She thought for a few moments. "Unless…"

The two whispered together for a while.

"It's risky," Bujune concluded at last, "but we've got to try!"


	29. Lion

**Lion**

To my surprise, Simba himself came to the waterhole for an afternoon swim. Most lions detest water, but after spending most of his life at an oasis, I'm sorry to report our valiant king is not at all like most lions.

"Good afternoon, sire!" I greeted jubilantly.

He smiled. "Good afternoon, Zazu. How's your quest for information?"

Beginning with the aardvark, I told him about most of the animals I had encountered, omitting the details of the lone hyena. To my immense relief, the king was quite willing to forgive me for the incident with the guinea fowl.

"I wonder what the cheetahs are hiding," he remarked.

As if waiting for these exact words, Bujune strolled from the shadows.

"Are you Bujune?" the king asked.

"You must be King Simba." Bujune managed a slight bow. "Truly an honor. I trust you will be as gracious to my kind as your late father."

"And how did he show his graciousness?"

"He vowed that no lion would harm a cheetah in its first year of life, nor would a lion harm an adult cheetah without cause."

Before I could intervene, Simba nodded. "It's a reasonable enough request if you vow the same for young lions."

"Naturally."

"Very well. My father's compassion shall prevail. I grant your request."

"Thank you!"

With that, the cheetah was gone.

"Sire, have you gone mad?" I nearly shouted. "Your father, rest his soul, only spared the lives of cheetah cubs after he was tricked into doing so! As for the bargain, you have caused yourself to look a fool in public! Cheetahs are not known to kill lion cubs in the first place! They are too weak to risk a confrontation with an adult lion, let alone a pride!"

Simba sighed. He knew as well as I that it was too late to retract his offer, for he had made a decree as king. It seemed as if the Pride Lands would soon be overwhelmed by cheetahs.

"Your Majesty," another voice queried, "is this a bad time?"

The king glanced up to notice the lone hyena approaching.

"Why have you come to the Pride Lands?" Simba demanded angrily.

"Your Majesty, I am not on your land. Look at the thickness of the foliage. I am still in the land of shadows."

"Where is the rest of your clan?"

"My former clan? I wouldn't know. I'm a loner."

Simba frowned. "Who do you represent?"

"Myself."

He began pacing, unsure of the situation, unwilling to rush into another foolish bargain. "Why did you leave your clan?"

"I didn't agree with their policies," the hyena explained. "They tend to overhunt. I prefer to scavenge so I never take a life directly."

Simba remained silent for several moments, staring at the hyena. On her own, she certainly seemed harmless enough, but why would a hyena leave her clan to live as a nomad in the realm of lions?

"Why do you do this?" the king demanded. "The Circle of Life blessed your ability as a huntress."

As gently as possible, the hyena explained to him about the Ladder of Corporate. Simba seemed more and more displeased with every word she spoke.

"So I let you stay on my land, and other animals bring you food in exchange for you helping them feel better?" he asked.

"Isn't that better than fighting over scraps with the others of my kind?" the hyena responded. "Who would enjoy constant battles with another species?"

"How long have you been here?"

"Since the latter years of your father, I was one of the savanna's best kept secrets, but when I met your majordomo this afternoon, I knew my presence would be a secret no longer. He's under legal obligation to report me to you, so I thought I would save him the trouble and introduce myself."

I dared to speak up. "Sire, many of your loyal subjects owe her their lives. You may consider offering her residence under probation."

Simba nodded and turned to the hyena. "You may stay…for now…but know this: You are a secret no longer. If there are signs of trouble in my realm and you are found to be the culprit, may your Great Queens help you, for nothing in this world shall!"

"If I were going to cause trouble, I would have done so under Scar's rule," she replied nonchalantly.

Simba shook his head as she left. He was clearly bewildered by cheetahs and hyenas who behaved out of character.

"You've done well, Zazu," he complimented. "Take the rest of the day off."

In all my years of loyal service, I have never been so eager to obey the command of my king.


	30. Mandrill

**Mandrill**

My late afternoon nap was interrupted by the sound of singing, if one can call such ruckus as much. Rafiki's favorite pastime has always been making as much noise as possible in any language he chooses.

"Kindly leave me in peace," I began. "I've just finished a rather exhausting day, and I wish to enjoy a few hours of tranquility before I am forced to retire for the evening."

Rafiki dropped to the branch where I was perched, sitting with his knees folded and his arms outstretched. "Ah, yes. Life is a constant struggle for the king's majordomo. He bears the weight of the kingdom's problems, yet he fears the wrath of the king."

I made no reply. For all his virtues, Rafiki tends to become violent if his musings are interrupted. Many an unfortunate creature has been bludgeoned by his staff for the crime of speaking too soon. Rumor has it that even Simba fell victim to the staff shortly before his coronation.

"You must learn to quiet your mind," Rafiki continued. "Tell me, do you enjoy your job?"

I was so startled that I felt my eyes widen. "I take great pride in what I do! It's an honor and a privilege to lay before my ruler all the facts about his realm! I perform my duty with decorum and…"

Rafiki laughed. "You give a trained response well enough, but you do not say if the job gives you pleasure."

I remained silent for several moments. Did I truly enjoy my job? Ever since the first lion had ascended Pride Rock, there had been a hornbill in the king's court. My earliest known ancestor had been a court jester, but over the centuries, my relations had come to be loyal servants, rising ever higher in the ranks. I made history by becoming the first avian majordomo in the history of the Pride Lands.

The reason my family tended to know the history of the realm even better than the kings we had served was because many kings were plagued with ill luck. One poor fool who reigned eons ago, rest his soul, decided to journey beyond the Great Desert of the North, for he heard rumors that other kings were being killed by a savage beast called the Roman Arena. He mistakenly believed all would be well, for he was descended from the very lions who inhabited this northern land, having originally come from a kingdom the humans called Babylon. Unfortunately, the king perished at the hand of whatever this strange Arena creature may have been, along with his queen and their unborn dynasty.

Many centuries later, several kings fell victim to human hunters. The humans never ate what they killed; they simply removed its hide. It seemed most fashionable to kill a lion. Two princes of a place called Tsavo attempted to avenge their fallen comrades, but they too lost their lives.

We were now living in what humans call a national park, meaning human kings have made it illegal for their subjects to kill us, but even without humans, we have enough problems with hyena clans and other lion prides to keep us on constant alert. Then there's always the threat of a king turning rogue, meaning he kills humans, thus giving them the right to take our lives to defend their own. I believe Scar may have killed a few humans, but as I lack definitive evidence, I have never mentioned my suspicions to anyone.

I realized I had digressed. Certainly there was sufficient cause to take pride in my job, but did it truly bring me pleasure? Other than the privileges of my status, what brought me joy?

Before I had sufficient time to ponder the matter, Rafiki had gone about his business, having completed his quest to ruin my day off with rhetorical questions.


	31. Meerkat

**Meerkat**

Everyone knows how creative meerkats are with twigs, leaves, rocks, vines, and the like. Timon performed that shameful dance for the hyenas. The colony at the oasis enjoys jumping from cliffs, using leaves to break their fall. However, as I went about my business, I noticed a group of meerkats attempting to tie a vine around the neck of one of their comrades.

"What are you doing?" I demanded.

"She's a traitress!" the lead female exclaimed. "We came to visit Simba, and we found her with the cheetahs!"

"You banished me years ago!" the other meerkat protested.

"You were supposed to snivel so I'd let you back in the colony after a few weeks."

The victim crossed her arms. "I don't see what the problem is. The cheetahs offered me protection in exchange for information about their enemies. Simba does the same thing with his little stooge."

I glared at her.

"By the laws of the colony," the lead meerkat declared solemnly, "I sentence you to be tied to this tree and left for the jackals."

There may have been a riot if Bujune hadn't arrived.

"Okay, I don't know much about meerkat society, but this one's mine!" He sliced the vine with his claw. "You threw her out, and a predator got to her. My mate is twice the predator any jackal is!"

The victim eagerly climbed on Bujune's shoulders. "Besides, we're friends."

The meerkat leader wept into her paws. "Where did I go wrong? My own colony abandons me for large cats!"

"Like Timon did with Simba?" the victim queried.

As if on cue, the small creatures began singing an especially irritating verse of the only ditty they had ever bothered to learn:

"_Sing the sorrows of those before_

_Since our colony is no more!_

_Think of all who have turned their backs_

_To form bonds with one who attacks!_

_Think of those who lived lives so brave!_

_Now they're rotting in unmarked graves!_

_And now these traitors fight for control!_

_Why do some meerkats have no souls?"_

However, the formerly accused meerkat had a verse of her own:

"_Sing of joys by day and night!_

_Those before died a wrong to right!_

_Not one meerkat should have to hide;_

_Now Timon proves it with great pride._

_What would happen, do you suppose,_

_If we made friends of former foes?_

_A life of fear was not meant to be;_

_Heroes died to set us all free!"_

I sighed. "Do you meerkats always quarrel in rhyme?"

The lead female shrugged. "Usually."

"Not that I haven't found this trial amusing, but I intend to enjoy the remainder of my afternoon off without interruptions."

"What do you do for fun, sit in geysers?"

I refused to dignify her ludicrous query with a response.


	32. Mongoose

**Mongoose**

"Why do other animals eat us if we don't taste good?" I overheard a young mongoose asking its mother.

"I suppose we taste alright to some animals," she responded, "but we make others lose the entire contents of their stomach."

"Isn't it a waste of our lives if they can't even get a meal from killing us?"

Noticing me, the mother responded, "If you want to talk about wasting your life, look at that bird. He spends his whole life groveling before his king. If anything goes wrong in the kingdom, he gets blamed. However, nobody likes him. His only friends are other members of the royal court, and even they don't fully trust each other. Anyone who dislikes the king vents his or her fury on the royal snitch. It's forbidden by law to kill him, but he's resilient enough to live through merciless beatings, and no king has ever enforced legal consequences for harming his stooge."

The younger mongoose nodded. "Why don't we like the king?"

"No one does. He's a lion. Lions kill some animals as prey and other animals as rivals. No one is safe."

"Are we safe, Mother?"

"We are if the king has any sense, but considering he eats termites, it's doubtful."

I had heard more than enough, and I swooped down to a nearby rock to give the mongoose family a piece of my mind.

"Now see here, madame! I am honored to be the king's majordomo!" I stated. "There can be no finer position in the entire realm!"

"No doubt the steam from the geysers is excellent for your complexion," she remarked nonchalantly, "not to mention the solitude of being confined within the ribs of some deceased creature."

"I'm not made of granite!" I retorted. "I care deeply for the king's loyal subjects. Is it my fault they don't sense my compassion?"

"Yes." She paused to consume a passing lizard. "You're aware that your position brings great honor. In fact, you're so aware of it that you allow yourself to come across as pompous. What do you even do besides report the business of others?"

I frowned. "I fail to see how that's any of your concern."

"Very well. It's none of my concern."

I followed her gaze to her offspring, who were playing together.

"Let's play Lions!" one suggested. "I'll be the king, and you can be my majordomo!"

"What does a majordomo do?" another young mongoose queried.

The first one thought a moment. "I think with humans, you're in charge of organizing and supervising the events of a household, or you're in charge of finances."

"But what does Simba's majordomo do?"

"I think he talks too much, and then someone beats him up!"

Was my duty to the realm truly reduced to such a ludicrous statement? No wonder the king's subjects had such little respect for my position!

"Don't take it too hard!" a voice behind me commented. "It's just because you're a bird."


	33. Ostrich

**Ostrich**

"We birds never get any respect," the ostrich continued. "I still remember when a lion cub tried to ride me! And do you know why?"

"Because he was a pretentious pest," I responded.

"It's because this kingdom is run by mammals! Think of the human visitors. They come to see lions and elephants. No one ever comes all the way to the Pride Lands because they just can't wait to see ostriches and hornbills."

Unable to think of a rebuttal, I nodded.

"And you…" The ostrich shook his head sadly. "You're not even an interesting bird. Humans might take my picture because I can run. They might take a flamingo's picture because it's beautiful. They might even be amazed at the plovers that pick the teeth of crocodiles. But you? You're just a small mass of blue feathers that can't sing. What interest are you to this world?"

"My species sometimes steals picnics," I remarked.

The ostrich began laughing. "Yeah. Every human wants their lunch stolen by an insignificant bird. Face it. No matter what royal position we may have, we'll still be inferior to the least among mammals."

"Species does not determine value!" I retorted.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night."

With that, the ostrich walked off.

"Never mind him," the mongoose commented. "No one ever cares about seeing my kind either."

I sighed. "Not more than an hour ago, Rafiki was just asking if I truly enjoyed my job. I certainly don't enjoy the incessant verbal abuse and frequent physical torment."

"If you're not too important to take advice," she began, "you should change your approach. Instead of making your subjects feel you'll endanger their lives by reporting them to the king, help them understand that you wish to report their problems because the king has the authority to make their lives easier. It will take a while. Scar's abuse of power still has many of us living in mistrust, but you'll get there."

I gave a terse nod.

"I'll help get you started," she offered. "There is one thing you can tell the king on behalf of my species."

"Yes?"

"We generally don't taste good. I saw a starving leopardess consume one of my kind once, and she lost the contents of her stomach because of our taste. I understand the Circle of Life has made us prey to others, and the predatory birds don't seem to mind our flavor in the least, but it seems a waste when we're killed by someone who can't digest us. Can you pass the word so our mammalian predators may be discouraged from taking our lives without cause?"

"I assure you, madame, that the king shall know this very day."

Before I could fly off, I overheard another voice request, "Tell him about me too."


	34. Painted Dog

**Painted Dog**

"What do you wish the king to know?" I asked.

"He needs to get his pride away from the roads when human tourists come through," the painted dog answered.

I frowned. "Why would he do that? Humans come to the Pride Lands simply because we have so many lions."

"But I'm rare!" The dog grinned. "You know how happy the humans are when they see me?"

"I'll consider the matter," I promised.

He sighed. "I wish I were more like the cheetahs. Some of them jump onto the…What do you call it?"

"Vehicles. I don't see why they bother humans like that!"

The painted dog shrugged. "The humans like it. They put the pictures in…What's the word for those weird leaves they like to wave around when they're here?"

I thought a moment. "I believe humans refer to them as travel brochures."

The dog suddenly grinned and darted off, instantly joined by others of his kind. As I watched, I noticed them chase a leopard up the nearest acacia. For reasons that escape me, painted dogs greatly enjoy tormenting leopards.

Feeling the slightest inklings of an idea begin to form, I flew over to the dogs. "Do you often engage in this pastime?"

"Occasionally," the lead female responded. "When we are alone, we dare not challenge our rival, but as a pack, we are invincible."

"Would you be willing to do this more often? If King Simba and his queen were to have a cub…"

"I wish we could," she replied, "but we have our own priorities."

The leopardess smiled down from the branch where she was resting out of the dogs' reach. "Priorities, you say? I simply love priorities!"

"Hunting and protecting our territory, if you must know!" the lead male retorted. "We failed to raise pups this year!"

The leopardess twitched her tail. "But your lead female looks as if she has recently borne new life."

"Stillborn, all of them!" the recent mother answered.

"I'm sorry to hear that." She began licking her paw in that vexing manner all cats possess. "I do so enjoy kissing young infants of any species!"

"Only because your own never survived!"

The leopardess hissed, her eyes narrowing. I could feel her anger like steam from a geyser.

"Go ahead and make enemies!" another dog taunted. "If the Circle of Life grants you another chance at motherhood, all will target your litter!"

Without a word, the leopardess sprang from the tree, landing on the back of the lead female. The rest of the pack fought bravely to protect their leader, but by the time they drove the leopardess away, the victim was badly injured.

The lead male stood beside her and gently licked her face in that repulsive gesture so common among dogs. His mate lay panting for breath as her blood stained the grass.

When she could finally speak, she instructed, "Take you know who to you know where."

"You died trying to save them," he replied. "Could anything be more noble?"

"My leaders!" one of the subordinate dogs dared to interrupt. "Let us go for help! It may be that it is not yet too late."

"Yes, go quickly!"

I frowned. Why were so many infants stillborn? Were the mothers unhealthy? Did the fault lie with the fathers?

Whatever the cause may have been, I was a male bird without a mate. I knew nothing of the continuation of mammalian species.


	35. Porcupine

**Porcupine**

"She will live," the lone hyena announced as she finished tending the lead female dog, "but she will not hunt for several weeks."

"We'll take care of her," another dog answered. "We always take care of each other."

I remained deep in thought. The king had granted this unusual hyena permission to roam the savanna with her Ladder of Corporate philosophy, but how did the other animals always seem to know where to find her? If she had been around for as long as she claimed, why had I never seen her? Had she simply blended in with other hyenas, or was there more to her story than she claimed?

A small head popped out of the ground. "Zazu, sir!"

"You're not the gopher!" I replied.

"He's not feeling well today," the gerbil explained, "so he asked me to fill in for him."

I knew this gerbil, unlike the foolish hamster I had met, was a native of the savanna, having inhabited the wilds of Africa for generations.

"Have you a matter to report?" I queried.

"Indeed, sir. The porcupines are bullying the hedgehogs."

I arrived on the scene just in time to see the porcupines cramming fruits onto the hedgehogs' quills, causing them to tip over from the weight.

"Now see here!" I scolded. "What is the meaning of this childish nonsense? I demand that you cease this foolishness at once!"

"They don't take us seriously!" a hedgehog complained.

"That's because you're tiny," a porcupine remarked. "What's so threatening about you?"

"Our quills are harder and sharper than yours!" the hedgehog retorted.

I placed my wings on either side of my head and began rubbing in an unsuccessful attempt to ease my discomfort.

"We have a reputation for shooting quills," a second porcupine stated. "It's not true, but we have a reputation for it anyway."

"We have a reputation for eating bugs that harm plants," the hedgehog answered evenly, "and that's very true."

"Our North American cousins have barbs on their quills!"

"Our European cousins are used in stories that humans tell their offspring!"

"Enough of this!" I exclaimed. "What is the purpose of this quarrel? You both have different niches to fill in the Circle of Life, so why bother disputing? Have you nothing better to do? If you cannot make peace, I shall have to report you to the king!"

A second hedgehog replied, "They say we look like sandburs!"

"And they say we look like cacti!" a porcupine added.

"Last chance!" I responded. "Will you make peace, or will you answer to the king?"

One of the porcupines smirked. "I'd like to see Simba try to make us stop fighting!"

"Even he's not that stupid," a hedgehog agreed.

In desperation, I began to think of all the animals I knew. Surely one of them could negotiate safely.

"Very well," I began. "King Simba shall never hear of this matter; however, I may find myself in need of advice from Rafiki."

At once, both groups began to calm themselves and speak civilly to each other. Everyone on the savanna knows Rafiki fears no one, for he is quite deft with his staff, resorting to force when wisdom and persuasion fail, and he never tolerates foolishness…except for his own, of course.


	36. Python

**Python**

When I encountered the python, he was dragging the tip of his tail through the dirt while the rest of his body remained coiled in a tight circle.

"Good evening," I greeted.

"Is it?" He looked toward the sun, which had begun to sink. "I suppose it is. How was your day, bird?"

"I fulfilled my duties to the king. What more can we ask?"

He continued drawing lines and assorted shapes in the loose soil.

"What manner of art is this?" I queried.

"I'm trying to crack the code. There are spies who spy on counterespionage."

I frowned.

The python continued his explanation. "Everyone knows the king, so he dispatches you, and you hire the gopher and a few other attendants. Of course, Shenzi would never permit that, so she sends out spies of her own, smaller cats and snakes and birds of prey to catch the spies you hire. Naturally, the cheetahs wish to avoid both lions and hyenas, so they employ meerkats, an animal that is able to communicate with gophers and prey on snakes. Then the rats decide they'll give information to anyone who has food, so they begin selling information without loyalty to any side. For once, all sides are united against a common enemy, so everyone does what they can to kill the rats. What started as a way for Mufasa to stay informed about his subjects has grown over the years into mistrust to the point of mass hysteria. None of the burrowing creatures trust each other anymore, yet new spies are still sent out daily."

I crossed my wings in front of me. "Why is this web of treachery of interest to you?"

"Because I never know who I'm eating." He yawned, an irritating habit of his species. "I don't eat vervets, though. Ever since that one was kind enough to help me out when I got pneumonia, I've stopped eating them. I never know who might be a friend or relative of hers."

"The one who works with the hyena?"

He nodded.

"If this hyena has been following her Ladder of Corporate for years, why did I not notice her before today?" I wondered aloud.

"During Mufasa's reign, you were too preoccupied. During Scar's reign, she blended in."

To my surprise, the python told me a little of the hyena's origins.

Many, many kingdoms south of ours, there was a reigning matriarch who had borne an infant daughter, and the clan rejoiced, for the princess would one day inherit the clan, but unfortunately, it was not to be. On the night the princess was old enough to join her clan in the hunt for the first time, they were attacked by the lion king.

This King of the South had three hobbies: murdering hyena queens, being disloyal to his mate, and executing even more hyenas, especially of royal blood. He caught the matriarch and broke her back. She died just as her young daughter reached her side.

As the princess was still very young, another female usurped the clan. The princess had lost all status and was even bullied by young cubs.

Determined not to remain surrounded by hostility, the princess had journeyed from her native land. She wandered vast savannas, facing starvation because she lacked skill in hunting. She had heard rumors that far to the north, there was a land where humans fed hyenas. Why not live there in peace?

However, when her voyage led her through the Pride Lands, she had encountered Rafiki. He had dropped to the ground from the branches of a short baobab when he had seen her.

"Who are you, fearless creature?" she queried.

"Oh, the better question is: Where are you going?"

"I have heard of a land where humans feed hyenas, and there is no fighting over scraps."

Rafiki laughed. "You heard about that from the humans, did you?"

"I hear a lot of things."

"Rather than chasing a myth, is it not better to accept reality? You take old Rafiki's advice and find a clan in a land where your prey has good grazing."

The former princess winced. "I hate hunting. It brings back painful memories."

Rafiki stroked his beard. "But if you are a scavenger, don't you fear for your life? Other animals will not give up their food so easily."

"I know." Her stomach rumbled at the mention of food. "I'm so hungry that I would do anything for food."

"Anything, you say? Even hunt it yourself?"

"I've had to do that," the hyena admitted, "but there's no pleasure in it." She shook her head sadly. "All this killing, this stealing, this war, this hatred…! I was born a hyena. It is my place in the Circle of Life. But does this mean I am condemned to eternal battle? Even a hyena has pity on other species! I just wish I could improve lives rather than destroy them!"

Rafiki nodded. "Ah, a most worthy cause."

The hyena moved her ears. "Do you hear that? A lion cub has lost its way in the dark."

"You did say you were hungry."

"No. I'm going to help it find its mother so it will not feel the pain I have felt all these months. If the lioness misunderstands my intentions and executes me, so be it. At least I'll have died for a worthy cause."

Unbeknownst to the hyena, Rafiki had been keeping a sharp eye on the distressed cub the entire time. He remained unseen in the shadows, ready to intervene at once if her hunger overcame her.

When the hyena heard the unmistakable sound of a lioness calling for a lost cub, she set down the small creature and fled a safe distance, but she watched, not daring to leave until the mother and cub were reunited.

At this point, the python ended his tale.

"But what happened next?" I demanded. "How did she learn the healing arts? How did she ease her hunger pangs? How did she eventually discover Rafiki had been observing her? Which cub was it? How did she meet the vervet monkey?"

The python flicked his tongue in and out of his mouth. "Sorry. That's all I know."


	37. Ratel

**Ratel**

I was sitting in a tree, trying to process the events of the day, when the ratel approached, digging his claws into the bark.

"Good evening," I greeted.

He grinned in that insolent manner all ratels have. "I'm about to ruin your whole day."

"How's that?" I demanded.

The ratel continued to grin. "There's an invader in the kingdom. Look in that tree that humans call leadwood. The one by the marula grove."

I flew to the tree, still keeping an eye on the ratel. However, he ignored me and began foraging in the dirt.

"Zazu?"

I turned to see the familiar face of a hornbill I knew all too well. "Lesedi." I cleared my throat. "How have you been?"

She shrugged. "Does it matter?"

"Simply trying to make conversation."

Lesedi gave a nod of acknowledgement. Her orange bill seemed to glow in the golden light of the setting sun, and her dark blue feathers made me think of the coming night.

"Did you ever take a mate?" I queried.

She sighed. "With all the raptors and adders, it seems pointless, doesn't it?"

"Indeed."

"And you?"

"Married to my work."

"Of course."

Shortly after his coronation, King Mufasa had arranged a marriage for me, that my descendants would serve his for as long as the dynasty endured. He invited Lesedi to Pride Rock, and the business aspects of the betrothal were discussed, but it wasn't to be. Every time Lesedi and I set a date for our wedding, there would be a horrible crisis that would postpone the event.

There was one day I was certain my fate was sealed. Rafiki consulted the stars and set a favorable date. The kingdom seemed to be at peace, flourishing under Mufasa's reign.

The night before I was to become a married bird, Queen Sarabi announced that the royal son or daughter would arrive at any moment. Naturally, my wedding was postponed, for it would be unfitting for any event to compete with the arrival of the king's firstborn.

Mufasa was then too occupied raising his prince to consider my matrimony. Of course, I didn't mind in the least. After all, Lesedi and I barely knew each other. We had met a few times, but never for long, and we never discussed anything other than business matters.

"Did you ever love?" Her voice interrupted my thoughts.

I frowned. "I beg your pardon?"

"There are so many reasons to take a mate," Lesedi answered. "To uphold one's status, to have a helpmate finding food, to bear offspring…" She sighed. "I think that's why I never married. We hornbills aren't like the other residents of the Pride Lands. If we're dissatisfied with a mate, we can't end our partnership after a few days, or even after one season. When we take a mate, it's for life. It would be easier to have a mate for life if you were in love with your mate, no?"

"Love complicates matters," I stated. "Think of the cheetahs. They've utterly abandoned their role in the Circle of Life because they claim to be in love with each other! Male cheetahs are supposed to leave their females after a few days, and most of the cubs die, but Bujune and Masozi…" I cringed.

"Or maybe they vex you so greatly because you're incapable of the emotions they feel."

I changed the subject. "You've never loved then?"

"Never had reason to."

We sat in silence for several long moments. I knew I should be returning home before night fell over the savanna, but I hadn't seen Lesedi for years, and it seemed wrong to end our conversation abruptly. We may have been little more than strangers, but we could still be amicable.

"It's for the best," she stated. "You could never tear yourself away from duties of state long enough to bring me food while I sat on the nest, and I could never be content with a mate I did not love, no matter how noble his status."

"Our freedom comes with a price," I answered. "We hornbills can live over four decades. A lion is blessed to see one…unless he's in captivity, but that's a different matter. We watch kings rise and fall like the sun, but we remain. Our friends of other species succumb to old age, but we remain to see their children and grandchildren perish as well."

"And now is a bad time to be born. Africa has changed more in the last fifty years than it has in the last thousand. The world we knew, the world our parents prepared us for, is disappearing at an alarming rate. Others live only a few years, but we survive long enough to see the world we inhabit become less and less like the world we once knew."

"What's the ideal age to die?" I wondered aloud. "Too short, and life seems meaningless. Too long, and we outlive our time."

Lesedi sighed. "Apparently, the ideal age to die is after one's offspring have produced their own future generations, but if one never has offspring, who knows?"

With that, she flew away, leaving me to wonder if there was truly a purpose beneath my noble status.

Meanwhile, the ratel was happily scarfing down a springhare. Blood dripped down his savage jowls as he grinned.

"Have a nice visit, Zazu?" the ratel taunted. "Questioning your pointless existence again? Must be tough when you don't even know if you like your job!"

"Now see here!" I began.

"What are you going to do?" he interrupted. "Tell the king? You know there are very few animals foolish enough to anger me, don't you?"

There are days when I think I actually abhor ratels even more than I despise hyenas.


End file.
